Our 12 Week Scan.
36 Weeks Pregnant.
Today is officially Baby C's due date! Clearly they are far too comfy and settled in their little home and don't want to make an appearance just yet. I have accepted the fact that Baby will come when they are ready and not a day before *If you could start to make an appearance at some point today, that would be great*.
During the last couple of weeks of pregnancy it has really hit me that I am about to be a mummy! I'm not just having a baby. I am going to have a son or a daughter. I will be a mother. I know that might sound strange but it's not something I really thought about in depth but this past week, it has really hit me how much of a responsibility I am taking on. I wake up throughout the night thinking and worrying over every tiny little thing. Do we have everything? What if I can't breastfeed? What if Aaron can't handle it? What if my anxiety gets worse?
So many questions that I won't know the answers to until Baby arrives.
Labour and delivery doesn't bother me in the slightest. I will deal with that when it comes and I know no matter how much it fucking hurts, it will be worth every single second of pain when I finally hold my Baby in my arms.
The fear I have is when Baby is here. The unknown. The amount of stupid questions I have asked Google at 3 in the morning. 'Do you change a Baby for bed?' 'How often do you change a nappy?' 'Do you apply nappy cream before they get a rash to prevent the rash, or just when they have the rash?'
There have been nights were I have sat and cried to Aaron because I don't know what the hell i'm doing. People say it will come to you naturally and you'll just do it. But what if it doesn't? No matter how many pregnancy books I've read or classes I have attended, nothing will prepare me for when we first bring that baby home and it's just us and them. The three of us. I see people like my Sister who is the most amazing mum to her three girls and it makes me feel quite intimidated. What if I am never the mum she is? She makes it look so effortless and I feel like i'll never match up.
People tell you to expect sleepless nights, shitty nappies and general chaos but they don't warn you about all the little things. And it is the little things that build up & up in my mind until I can't deal with them anymore and i'm sobbing quietly in the shower wondering if I made the right decision.
And then i'll feel my baby move.
And I remember that this tiny human being who started as nothing more than a wish, is the best thing that has happened to me, and they aren't even here yet. Despite the fears and the questions I might never get the answers to, I am so ready to start life with our newest member of the family and get this show on the road.
Baby C, i'm ready when you are...